What If Aging Isn't Only Decline?

Kat Miller on Declines, Expansions, and Aging Freely

There's a little move I'm not proud of. You probably know it. Two fingers at the temples, a gentle tug up and back, and for a second the face in the mirror looks more like the version of me I carry around in my head. She’s about 26.

Cat calls it the free facelift. I call it a habit I thought I'd outgrown.

I've spent years on this podcast unpacking internalized ageism. I feel better at 58 than I did at 40, and most days I like what I see. And still, there I was, tugging. When I stopped to ask who I was trying to get back to, the answer was a little deflating. That younger woman worried constantly. She was not having more fun than I am now.

That's where this Salty Sisters conversation with Kat Miller begins.

Meet Kat Miller. Kat has worked as a counselor for nearly 40 years. She's a TEDx speaker, the founder of Age Freely, and the co-creator of a conversation card game called Older: A Renewable Life, that grandparents and grandkids have started playing together. She calls herself an Aging Enthusiast and a Wonderment Catalyst.

Declines and expansions.

The heart of Kat's work, and of the book she's writing, is an idea she calls declines and expansions. She doesn't dodge the hard part. She chose the word "decline" because it's loaded, and she'd rather name it than tiptoe around it. Bodies slow. Skin thins. Energy fades. But she keeps noticing that something opens up alongside each of those losses. A slower brain, for example, may be offering us something a faster one never could. She explains it better than I can, and it might change how you feel the next time a name escapes you.

A developmental stage nobody charted. We have charts for what toddlers and teenagers should be doing. After 60, the chart goes blank. Kat sees later life as its own developmental stage, but she's careful to call what happens there invitations rather than milestones. Nobody fails. You can accept an invitation or let it pass. What gets in the way, she says, is ageism. Once we've absorbed the story that aging is all loss, we resist every change, and we can miss the very things that might make these years richer.

Fear, and who profits from it.

This is where things got salty. Kat has strong opinions about the longevity industry, about the phrase "anti-aging," and about doing healthy things for fearful reasons. Cat asked her about family health history (her mom's warnings about high blood pressure are legendary), and Kat's answer comes down to motive. There's also tequila involved.

It's also where I admit that I've always been more afraid of aging than of dying. I'm still working on that fear factor.

More of who you've always been. Underneath everything we talked about is the idea that getting older might be less about losing ourselves and more about finally getting to be ourselves. Cat talks about saying no without a list of excuses. I talk about the quirky, fierce kid I was before "be nice" took the wheel. And Kat shares what her mother said when she asked what it felt like to be 70. The answer was so simple it annoyed her at the time. It doesn't anymore.

The myth of independence.

We wrap with Kat turning one of our most cherished ideas on its head. Independence, she argues, is a booby prize, and holding onto it can cost us the people we need most. If you have a parent who won't accept help, or you suspect you'll be that parent someday, the last stretch of this episode is worth your time.

So, what about you? Kat asks a question I keep turning over: if you weren't afraid of aging, how would you live?

I don't have a tidy answer yet. Maybe I'd stop tugging at my temples. Maybe I'd let more of my weirdness out. What would change for you?

Listen to the full episode above or watch it on YouTube.

Connect with Kat Miller:

agefreely.com

Older: A Renewable Life card game 

Instagram

Connect with Cat Corchado
Cat is my Salty Sisters co-host, an Air Force veteran, and a movement specialist who believes everyone has a right to feel good in their body. Her free Keep It Moving 11-Minute Fitness Challenge is running right now, October 5 to 9. That's 11 minutes a day, no fancy equipment, no hour at the gym. It's never too late to jump in midweek. (Kat Miller gave it a shout-out on the show too.)
Join the challenge: https://www.smallspacepilates.com/challenge
Find Cat's classes, her free Fit for Life Alliance community, and more: https://www.smallspacepilates.com/
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Join the free Late Bloomer Living Community at latebloomerliving.com/community.