Your Inner Critic Has a Name (and She's an Ageist) with Wendi Knox

Is It Too Late to Reinvent Yourself? Ask a Dragonfly.

My 40s felt like one long stretch of being stuck in the muck. I'd taken my photography business full-time, which should have felt like a win, and I still walked around feeling like a big fat failure who had missed her window. Around 48, I noticed something sneaky. I tried a new morning routine of meditation and movement.  When that experiment started to make me feel better I had an "AHA moment".  I started feeling hopeful about my future again. That was something I hadn't felt since my 20s and 30s. 

That's the thing about the stories we absorb about aging. They don't announce themselves. They move in, rearrange the furniture, and start talking in your voice.

So when Cat Corchado and I sat down with author Wendi Knox for this week's Salty Sisters episode, I felt seen. Okay, very seen.

Laid Off at 50 and Wondering If It Was Too Late

Wendi started her career "kinda like Peggy in Mad Men" as a copywriter and climbed all the way to senior vice president and creative director at a major Los Angeles ad agency. She was the only woman at that level. She had a young child at home, parents who needed help, and her job was their ticket to healthcare coverage.

Then the agency that treated her like family laid her off without warning.

In an industry where 50 was considered ancient, Wendi found herself in her backyard asking the universe if she was too old to reinvent herself. What showed up in answer is a story I'll let her tell you in the episode. I'll say this much: it involves a lot of red dragonflies, and it eventually led to her new book, The Way of the Dragonfly: Flight Instructions to Transform the Way We Age.

Meet Edna, the Voice of Internalized Ageism

Most of us have a voice in our heads with opinions about our age. Wendi's is named Edna. Edna has one eyebrow permanently raised. Edna asked whether Wendi wasn't a little old to be writing a book. Edna likes to point out when Wendi is the oldest person in the room.

Wendi's big insight is that Edna isn't only an inner critic. She's an inner ageist. She's where all the cultural messaging about getting older sinks in and starts talking back to us, sounding an awful lot like ourselves.

Cat grew up hearing plenty of "aren't you too old for that?" and she has an answer for it that I fully intend to steal. You'll meet Queen in the episode. She's Cat's inner hype woman, and she's exactly as bossy as you'd hope.

Gray Hair, Red Hair, and the Age Cage

We got into hair, because of course we did. I let my gray grow in and feel freer than I have in years. There are people who question my choice. Wendi tried on a gray wig, didn't recognize herself, and kept her color. Then someone asked her why a woman who's "so pro-aging" still dyes her hair.

Her answer is what she calls breaking out of the age cage: toss the rule book and do what feels like you. Women get judged if we color and judged if we don't. The least we can do is stop judging each other.

(For the record, I've announced my plans to go fire-engine red at 90. Consider yourself warned.)

Invisible Woman Syndrome and Finding Your Voice

While researching her book, Wendi came across something called invisible woman syndrome, and she has a strong point of view on it. She also has a story about an aunt who wore leopard from head to toe and had zero intention of disappearing.

For me, midlife hasn't felt like fading out. It's felt like turning up the volume. I'm finding my voice later in life, getting saltier by the year, and honestly? I'm starting to like this version of me.

Staying in the Moment When Fear Spirals

This conversation landed somewhere I didn't expect. I admitted out loud that I've always been more afraid of aging than dying.

Wendi shared a simple practice that got her through a hard season: hand on your heart, breathe, and remind yourself that in this moment, you're safe. Cat has her own version. I brought one a friend taught my husband: Where are your feet?

None of it makes the fear go away. It does give you somewhere to stand.

The Muck Is Where Wings Grow

Here's what I keep coming back to. Dragonflies spend most of their lives crawling around in the muck at the bottom of a pond, and that's where they grow their wings. Wendi built her whole book around that idea.

If you're in a mucky season right now (I am, a little), maybe it isn't a sign that you're finished. Maybe something is growing.

So I'll ask you what I'm asking myself. What would your Edna say about the thing you're scared to try? And what would your Queen say back?

Listen to the full episode above or watch it on YouTube

Find out more about Wendi Knox and The Way of the Dragonfly at wendiknox.com.

Want more conversations like this one? Come hang out with us in the free Late Bloomer Living Community. It's where we trade stories, ideas, and a little mischief as we figure out midlife together.

🌻 Bloom like you mean it.