Self-Care After 50: The S Word, Yarrr!

Why the most important self-care after 50 is often the silliest

Here’s a slightly awkward admission for a woman who talks about Joy for a living. When I hear the word “self-care", my eyes glaze over. 

Turns out I’m not alone. On our latest Salty Sister’s live stream, my co-host Cat Corchado confessed that the word makes her cringe, so we spent the rest of the hour calling it. “the S word“.

It’s not because taking care of yourself doesn’t matter. It matters more than ever. But somewhere along the way all the advice. Using the term self-care started to sound like a to-do list or a shopping list. And after 50, most of us, don’t need another thing to buy or another thing to do perfectly.

This week’s podcast episode is a replay of that live stream, and fair warning: it’s a strange one.

While planning the show, I noticed the holiday calendar had lined up three things at once. September is self-care awareness month. Then, I noticed Friday was Rice Crispy Treat Day. The next day was National Talk Like a Pirate Day.  So I did with any reasonable adult would do. I ate a Rice Crispy treat on Camera while Cat and I read self-care affirmations in pirate voices.

That was the energy we started with. Then the pirate affirmation game got real on me.  One of the affirmations was “my body has carried me through so much,“ and I had to stop mid-yarr.  I call my belly “the pooch“. Not exactly a love note. My belly carried two kids and has gotten me through every hard thing in my life so far. She deserves better. Cat shared that one of her clients calls her midsection “middle earth,“ which I will be borrowing forever we laughed, but the point stayed with me how we talk about our bodies at this age is either a form of care or a form of neglect and derision.

Cat has had a tough year, and she talked about it more openly than I expected. What got her through wasn’t glamorous lots of ugly crying… Not the pretty movie star kind. She and her husband Peter would talk things through for about an hour when he got home, then set it aside for the rest of the evening. One of the things that kept her going was her gratefulness for having him with her during the ordeal. She also went to bed earlier... that’s self-care

Last year she spent two months as her mom‘s caregiver and we talked about how hard it is to look after yourself when someone else’s needs fill the whole day. She found herself having to say no to some of her mom‘s requests during that time. If you are a caregiver, I know you’ve heard “you can’t pour from an empty cup“ enough times to want to throw the cup, so here’s something more practical. Ask someone to step in for you for an hour.  Don’t spend that hour at the grocery store. Go outside. Look at the flowers. Feel the breeze on your face. Let the hour be yours.

Cat has a name for this idea: her Cattitude day, she takes one day a week that belongs to nobody but her. Any item on her to-do list is put on hold unless she really feels like doing something. She only does what she wants to on those days. Sometimes that’s watching comfort movies, playing jacks, or doing absolutely nothing.

For me, it’s my morning ritual. The first hour of my morning is all mine. I meditate. I move my body.  Sometimes I dance in the kitchen while I make breakfast. Some days I play around with my watercolors.

The middle of the episode turned into a love letter to small, silly joys.  Videos of puppies, cats or babies laughing. My feeling good playlist (heavy on the Bruno Mars), and dancing at red lights with the windows down. John and I recently turned a late night, grocery shopping run into a spy mission because the piped in music sounded like something from Mission Impossible.  We tiptoed up the aisles, pausing at the corners to make sure the coast was clear before making the turn onto the next aisle.  Yeah, we’re weird like that.  On a recent beach walk with friends I dared everyone to skip. I didn’t think anyone would. Then my husband and his best friend from high school (two 60-year-old men) went skipping down the sidewalk. I can still see it and it makes me smile.

Near the end of our conversation, I asked Cat for the top five things she does to take care of herself. She gave the least trendy list imaginable: breathing (from the belly, not the chest), sleep, movement, water, and food. Her walks have no agenda, no pace, no calorie count. She just wanders.

That’s where I planted my flag.  Taking care of those five basics is what makes play possible. We are hardwired for play, but we can’t play when we’re exhausted, dehydrated, and running on fumes.

Last week I had a busy day and a late zoom meeting planned. I realized I was tired and I had 10 minutes before the meeting, so I went out to the backyard, lay down in the grass, and watch the clouds. Less than 10 minutes. I felt recharged.

Cat said it best as we wrapped up: find two or three things from your toolbox, and on any given day, reach for the one you need.

Pirate Voice optional.